Learn how to shed the mom guilt and be the mom your kids need!
“The guilt of feeling like you’re a bad mom, means you’re a good mom!”
Isn’t that true?!
Although, it doesn’t always feel this way.
I write this post because I struggle with guilt, and I’m constantly looking for ways to push it aside. #itainteasy.
BUT. You should take solace in the fact that you are not alone in your thinking! I think every mom feels guilt at some point or another because we understand the importance of what we are doing.
We. Me. YOU! We’re raising human beings, changing lives, and ultimately the world! #nopressure
That’s a big weight to bear at times, and can get overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to!
What is mom guilt?
The dictionary defines guilt as “the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime”
Wow! Guilt is such a strong emotion. You are implying to yourself that you’ve done or are doing something wrong. That you’ve wronged someone, hurt someone, or effected someone negatively in some way.
I’m constantly feeling like I’m screwing up my kids. #thatsnotmychild
It can be a constant struggle and something you deal with on the daily. You think:
I yelled at my kids, who does that? #everyhumanmom (It’s the non human moms that have their crap together)
I’ll never be the mom they need me to be.
I’m screwing up my kids. #everyday
I don’t spend enough time with my kids. (Barbie’s are so boring)
How can I take time for myself when I don’t spend enough time with my kids.
I don’t want to be around my kids right now, they are driving me crazy. I’m a bad mom for thinking that.
I fed them cereal for the 15th time this week. #itsonlytuesday
I don’t think my kid knows what a carrot looks like.
That mom is doing all things right.
These thoughts can give you anxiety and make you want to pull your hair out!
You will never live up to the crazy, over-the-top, unrealistic, insane expectations you have in your head!
Because that’s exactly what they are INSANE! So how do you get rid of these INSANITIES!
9 Ways of How to Overcome Mom Guilt
1. Remember you will fall short.
It’s not the “falling short” that’s the issue, it’s the expectation that you can be perfect.
Because, unfortunately, we all know that only one person was ever perfect on this earth and that’s the big man upstairs.
You will fall short. You just will. Because you’re human.
AND THAT’S OKAY.
Does this mean you will never be enough? No!
Does this mean you can never achieve happiness? No!
Does this mean your kids will hate you all your life? No!
Does this mean you should crawl into a corner and just forget it? No!
Does this mean you’re screwing up your kids? Definitely no!
One of the reasons we have short comings is so we can become stronger. Or else, we wouldn’t know how to become stronger. It also gives us the opportunity to bond with our Savior.
Use this to your advantage to teach and bond with your children.
Cause guess what? They are human too, and luckily they forgive easily.
Teach your kids that even you make mistakes, and sometimes you fall short, but you keep getting back up.
My daughter is old enough to understand that sometimes mommy gets anxious and needs a minute. Explaining to her why I need a minute is better than me lashing out at her and having her thinking she did something wrong.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”
2. Give your short comings to Christ
Let Christ help. Because He was perfect and suffered for us, he can help us perfectly!
These are His children too! He knows and loves them. He can help you be aware of their needs. Pray for guidance and pray that He will make up for your shortcomings.
He will provide for them what, sometimes, you can’t!
Prayer is real and its powerful.
3. Learn from mistakes
Making mistakes is how we learn not to make mistakes in the future.
Motherhood is a constant re-evaluation of what we’re doing wrong, and how we can improve. This is mostly due to our little ones changing their routine on a whim.
Instead of dwelling on your mistakes. Take a breath! and think, what could I have done better, what will I do better next time? And then forget it.
Because…
4. You can’t change the past, only the future
You can’t change where you’ve been, or what you’ve done. You can only change where you’ll go and what you will do.
Don’t so stay stuck in yesterday that you forget to live today.
A mom living in the past is also not a very helpful or productive mom in the now.
You can’t change it, so don’t try to. Don’t over analyze it. Just do your best today!
“Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come.”
5. Be Positive
Focus on the positive. A lot of guilt comes from focusing on all the negative.
Choose NOT to focus on…
All your shortcomings
All the ways you do things wrong
All the things you think you’re missing
All the talents you wish you had
Focus on all the ways you do it right.
You are getting something right. What is it?
Maybe you feel guilty because you aren’t spending enough time with your kids, but you’re giving them valued, quality time when you are with them. #thisisme
Maybe you feel guilty because you didn’t handle a situation the way you probably should have, but you made sure your child felt loved before they went to sleep.
You are doing things right, don’t forget that.
6. Mindset
Don’t only focus on the positive but create that mindset of not letting yourself be guilty.
Guilt only slows you down.
It only adds to the frustrations of motherhood and makes it harder!
Choose not to be guilty, now, before it even hits!
7. Love yourself
Accept you for…you!
So much guilt comes from not thinking we are good enough, we don’t make the right decisions, we have this thing and this thing wrong with us!
Stop dwelling on those things.
Love yourself.
Be proud of who you are.
Believe in who you are and your choices.
You are the perfect mom for your child.
They love you for you.
They want you! Not the skinniest mom, the most outgoing mom, the most popular mom, just you!
Be the parent your child believes you to be.
The focus is then less on what you need to change, and more on loving your kids unconditionally.
“You are Mom enough!”
8. Are the kids alive?
Yes!…no, maybe?
Maybe…just maybe. (and I say this delicately) You might be over-reacting to the situation. (and I’m not talking about anxiety, that’s different…but connected. Another story for another time.)
YIKES! But it’s true. Sometimes I get things all hyped up in my head, but then when I talk it out with someone they’re like…
Are the kids alive?
Do they know that you love them?
Are you helping to shape them?
Yes, yes, yes!
Then it’s okay.
I’m a working mom, and I often feel guilty about not being at every school event for my daughter. I used to beat myself up about it.
But, in the vast schemes of things. She’s okay. She will survive. We do other things together. She won’t be the only one without a parent. She’s not missing out on life.
It’s okay!
9. It’s okay to have me time
You need it!
Don’t feel guilty for wanting and taking me time.
You do not have to be around your kids 24/7 to love them. Or even WANT to be around them.
Do You want to be around your best friend 24/7 who you truly love and adore? Idk, maybe you do. #idontknowyourlife.
I would say most people don’t.
We don’t have to enjoy our kids all the time to love them.
Take me time, you need it to be a better mom and here’s why.
Related Post: 17 Unique Self-care Ideas
“You can’t pour from an empty cup”
You don’t have to feel guilt to be a good mom. You can enjoy things AND your kids. Shed the guilt!
“You’re doing better than you think you are!”
You’re amazing momma!
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