42 Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings that Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

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One thing you have to learn to do as a mom is laugh! #mom quotes

Laugh to keep from crying.

Laugh to keep from killing your children.

Laugh to have a good day. 

Laughing really is some of the best medicine. It can brighten your day.

As a society, I believe, we don’t take enough time out of our day to laugh.

Our ability to laugh comes from the perspective we have on life. There are so many good things to laugh about in life, and when we take ourselves too seriously, we miss those opportunities to just laugh. 

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A good laugh is good for the soul.

Motherhood is one of the funniest things to laugh about. Kids keep us on our toes, make us say stupid things, and even make us do crazy things.

I’ve complied some of my favorite mom quotes “momisms” that I’ve read. I’m pretty sure that I can relate to every single one of these.

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So sit back, drink your coffee, and have a good laugh with my top mom quotes! #dontshootcoffeeoutyournose

43 Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings

“I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband.†– Readersdigest. com

“The closest I get to a spa day is when steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face.” @foreverymom

“Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.” @rebel circus

“I’m just a girl, stuck under a sleeping child, with a full bladder, and a dying phone.” – The Wendy House

“I’ve never wrestled a rabid raccoon on speed but I have tried removing a splinter from the foot of a hysterical four-year-old.”

“My kid is turning out to be exactly like me. Well played, Karma. Well. played.” -House Wife Plus

“At bed time my children turn into dehydrated philosophers who need a hug.” -thatsinappropriate.com

“Started making myself breakfast, and ended up making everybody except myself breakfast.†-Just Surviving Motherhood

“Sleep when the baby sleeps, fold laundry when the baby folds laundry…”

“My kids are never better friends than when it’s 30 minutes past bedtime and they won’t stop giggling.” -The Simplified Family

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“My 2 year old referred to her pocket as snack holes, and this is what I shall forever call them.” @Rebecca Caprara

“Let’s get married and have kids so instead of a lazy Saturday morning we can panic because a sports uniform didn’t get put in the dryer.” @simoncholland

“Remember when you first became a parent. And everything was so terrifying? Now you watch your kid lick the grocery cart and you don’t even break a sweat.” @She’s The Honest Mom

“That moment when your 2 week old baby is sleeping and you wonder if it’s possible to take a nap in the shower while you eat lunch….” @themommyjob

“My husband coughing the moment I got the baby to sleep is why spouses are the number one suspect in homicide cases.” @mommycusses

“I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.” -Petite Bello

“Is there any way to file a temporary restraining against a toddler? Just like 24 hours, maybe. 2 days tops. Asking for a friend…” -Just Surviving Motherhood

“I just watched my child individually pick off and eat every sprinkle on the donut I gave her. She has the patience for that, but can’t wait 30 seconds for me to pee by myself.” @She’s The Honest Mom

Your loving and patient mother clocks out at 8 pm. I suggest you get your tiny butt in bed before crazy “I’ve had enough†mommy shows up. Ok? Ok.” -Just Surviving Motherhood

“When can we come see the baby? 4 am would be super helpful. Thanks.” -Just Surviving Motherhood

“No one is more full of [crap] than a parent that just said ‘maybe’.” -Just Surviving Motherhood

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“Sure, sometimes I question my parenting. But to be honest, sometimes, I question my child’s childing.” -Just Surviving Motherhood

“I love when the kids tell me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a sink full to dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time.” -Just Surviving Motherhood

I’m working on being more organized. Not like, ‘alphabetize the pantry’ organized, just like, ‘stop buying the gift on the way to the party and wrapping it in the car’ organized.” -Her View From Home

“Listen, maybe 17 pairs of black leggings do spark joy, Marie Kondo. You don’t know me. -Just Surviving Motherhood

Wife: “I’m going into labor.”

Husband: “When?”

Wife: “Now.”

Husband: [sets plate of nachos down] “Geez Karen I just made these.” @ollyiconic

“Can’t believe I shared my body with a child that won’t even share their m&ms with me.” -Just Surviving Motherhood

“If you’ve never said ‘you need to back up a little so I can wipe myself’, do you even have kids?” @The Mother Octopus

“I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps…I love that one more.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. The mom in E.T. had an alien living in her house for days and didn’t notice.” -Nesting with Grace.

“I wish everything was as easy as getting fat.” -Nesting with Grace

Me: “I need some help around here!†Also me: “No, not like that…here Iâ€ll do it. “-beenke.com

“When I say: ‘I’m just going to the toilet’, my kids hear…’family meeting assemble in the bathroom now!'” @littleteether

“I always remind my kids: having a weird mom builds character.” -Wellnessmama

“When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what i’m really saying is ‘please forget’.” -cheezburger

“Every time I say no, my kids hear ‘ask again she didn’t understand the question’.” -Housewife plus

“My kids will walk right past their father sitting on the couch and come bang on the shower door for me to open a fruit snack.” -the funny beaver

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“I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember because our kids interrupted us 175 times.” -Mommy Owl

“Based on the amount of laundry, I’m going to assume that there are people living here I’ve never seen.” -The Funny Beaver

“I always thought I’d be a patient mom and then I watched my son try to zip his own jacket.” -Sarcastic Mommy

“Somewhere along the way, I became a person who answers, “yes†to the question, can I just put my dirty tissue in your pocket?”

“My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.” -The Funny Beaver

Try to add more laughter in your life and not take yourself too seriously!

If you want some more mom humor check out these books:

I Just Want to Pee Alone, A collection of essays about funny mom stories from mom bloggers

I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children with cheery illustrations and photos.

But Did You Die? A hilarious book  It is a collection of terrible (but also kind of good) parenting advice from some of the funniest moms and dads on the internet.

Mom Truths, Mixing memoir, humor, and advice, Cat and Nat tell never-before-told stories about the stress, guilt, joy, and laundry (oh the laundry!) of being a mom.

What are some of your funny mom quotes?